Should a Child or Children Attend a Funeral? |
Advice from The Healing Place |
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| The funeral will have a long-term impact on the child, whether he attends or not. Attending without appropriate education, information and support can leave a child confused and fearful. Not attending can isolate a child and often leads to regret or resentment later. Children should be given the opportunity to choose the level of participation they are comfortable with and not be pressured into making a decision based on parents' needs. The most helpful thing a parent can do is to give the child choices. |
Give the children clear explanations of what will happen at the funeral. |
- Who will be at the funeral service?
- What is going to happen?
- Where will the service take place?
- When will the funeral happen?
- Why are we doing this?
- What is expected of the child?
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What about viewing the body? |
Below is a list of important facts a child might want to know before choosing to view the body. The body:
- is in an open or a partially open casket
- is cool in temperature
- does not move
- can not talk or see you
- will not come back to life
- may have markings, etc. from injury or illness
- will look and feel different than the person did before death
- may have a different smell
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What are the options for involving children and teens in the memorial service? |
- Attending or not attending the service
- Selecting the casket
- Deciding on whether or not to view the body
- Choosing special objects to put in the casket
- Choosing which clothes the deceased will wear
- Choosing the grave marker and what will be written on it
- Picking out the urn for cremated remains
- Choosing the location to spread the ashes
- Selecting the burial site
- Selecting flowers, music and readings for the service
- Participating in the service
- Closing the casket for the last time or being involved in this process
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After the memorial service / funeral |
- Would you like to sleep at home or elsewhere tonight?
- What of the person's possessions, if any, would you like to keep?
- When do you think you will be ready to return to school?
- Do you want to see the cremated remains?
- Would you like to see the death certificate or the obituary?
- Would you like to participate in a support group?
- How would you like to memoralize the person on the anniversary or special occasions?
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| Remember: Funerals do not have to be scary for children or anyone. It gives us a chance to say goodbye to our loved one and the way things used to be. |
