Grief Support For Teens and Their Families

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It hurts to lose, but it helps to grieve. The person who resists grieving may successfully ward off intense pain, but a nagging ache will likely take its place. Denied feelings of grief will be expressed in hidden ways…moodiness, irritability, restlessness, nervousness, conflicts in personal relationships, physical problems, accident proneness or general dissatisfaction with life. Grief doesn't go away because it is ignored. Healing involves being willing to hurt more in order to hurt much less.

When a teen experiences the death and loss of a loved one, emotions may be very different from those of younger children and adults. As a teen, you are at an age where you may already be dealing with other changes in your transition from childhood to adulthood. When the death of a loved one occurs, it is common that these struggles are magnified, leading to confusion, deep grief, despair, anger, hatred and sadness, or a mixture of all of these.

• shock, numbness and disbelief
• avoidance and retreat
• resistance, blame and anger
• constant thoughts of the loss
• jealousy aimed at those who have what you do not
• anger
• self-blame
• confusion and feeling disoriented
• physical disturbances including exhaustion and changes in appetite/sleep
• nervousness
• sadness
• reorganizing life, gaining new insights, learning new skills
• feeling at peace with the past
• wanting to be alone and quiet
• increased sense of inner strength and competency
• increased compassion and ability to listen to others
• reconnection, resiliency and hope for the future

• eat healthy foods and snacks
• get enough rest and take naps…remember grief is hard work!
• don't keep your feelings inside, find someone you trust to share them with
• get some form of physical exercise daily
• laugh often
• keep a diary
• talk to a trusted adult
• spend time with friends and people who care about you
• write a letter to God, say everything about the loss that is on your mind
• visit the cemetery if it makes you feel better
• start and keep a "Book of Memories"
• listen to music
• remember that grief takes time, the questions and concerns you have now may take some time to get answered
• do a good deed that would make your loved one proud of you
• let yourself off the hook; its common to feel responsible for a loss, if you feel guilty, talk to a counselor about it
• join a support group to be with other teens who have experienced a loss
• call The Healing Place 383-7133 and talk to a counselor

• Think of 3 people you feel comfortable to talk to.
• Name a place you can go that feels comfortable and safe.
• Name 3 things you can do, or 3 people to be with, to let out anger without hurting yourself or others.
• Name 3 things you can do, or 3 people you can be with, to let out sad feelings.
• Name 3 nonharmful things you can do to relieve anger and tension.
• Name 3 things you can do when life feels meaningless.
• Name 3 activities you can do that will help you express your feelings. Examples: writing, drawing, hitting pillows, singing or playing music, dancing, walking, sports
• Name some things that help you get your mind off your loss.