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| The Healing Place Support Programs For The Grieving |
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| Information on Loss and Grief |
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| Grief Support Related To Suicide |
| The Healing Place Information |
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| Help Us Help Others |
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Grief support related to a suicide |
| Dealing with the death of a friend or family member may be one of the hardest issues to deal with for a child. When the death was due to suicide, the situation is further complicated. The last thing you need to do is complicate matters by lying about the death. That's why it's so important for us to be honest with children. They don't necessarily need to know every single fact about a death, but they do need to hear truthful answers and information. While we may believe we are "protecting" them by lying or pretending a suicidal death was an accident, we're really teaching them to distrust us, adding to their pain and anger. |
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| And, ultimately, they will find out the truth, from other children, adults or news reports. If you're finding it hard to know what to say, think about what you would say to a trusted friend. Very likely, that's what children should be told: the truth, in a caring manner, from people they trust, as soon as practically possible. |
Expect and allow for all different emotions and feelings |
| Feelings and grief reactions are influenced by many factors, including the age, personality and maturity of the child, nature of the relationship the child shared with the deceased and reactions and support of others. You may see a broad spectrum of emotions in children, including anger, frustration, guilt, numbness, shock, sadness, relief, confusion, shame, fear, loneliness and embarrassment. As adults, we can help them feel safe by listening to and validating their feelings. Accepting their feelings helps children learn that it's okay to express a wide variety of emotions. |
Talk openly about suicide |
| Our society continues to stigmatize the act of suicide, as well as the families of those left behind. Kids are told suicide is a crime, a sin, an insane act " committed" by a crazy person. Dr. Edwin Shneidman has studied suicide for decades and concludes that suicide is a person's desperate attempt to get out of what he or she perceives as unbearable pain. Because depression and other distorted thoughts narrow one's ability to see options, the suicidal person believes death is the only way to relieve his or her suffering. It is naturally an uncomfortable and shocking topic that tends to leave people unsure of what to say. In light of this challenge, it is critical that kids have safe places where they can talk openly about the death without judgment or awkwardness. They need trusted adults they can go to with questions, concerns and fears. It is strongly advised that the term "committed" suicide not be used since that implies it is a criminal behavior. Instead, it is suggested you use terms such as "died by suicide" or "took his / her own life." |
Hold a memorial service and remember the person who died of suicide |
| No matter how difficult or painful the deceased person's life or death may have been, grieving children and teens shouldn't be denied the opportunity to say goodbye and to honor the person's life. It is important for the child or teen to be included in whatever service is planned. |
| Along with the memorial goes remembering the person who died. Remembering is part of the grieving and healing process. Bringing up the name of the person who died is one way to give children permission to share their thoughts and feelings about the deceased. It reminds them that suicide is not "taboo" to discuss. Sharing memories has a similar effect. It reminds children that the person who died will continue to "live on" and impact the lives of those left behind. |
Share information about suicide being related to brain disease, chemical imbalances, depression and mental illness |
| Suicide is not a random or isolated act - it occurs in a context. Although no one knows what causes suicide, most peolpe who die by suicide have experienced some form of brain disease, chemical imbalance, depression or mental illness. Their thought processes become distorted because of biological, psychological and / or situational reasons. It helps children to know that the person who died was in fact suffering from a kind of "sickness" in his or her brain. This also helps them to understand and have compassion for that illness. Suicidal people are not thinking clearly and would not choose suicide as an option if they could see other ways to escape their pain. |
When to seek professional help for a child or person grieving a loved one lost to suicide |
| Mild depression, anxiety and behavioral problems are common in children grieving about a death. Grieving children may not feel like eating or they may have trouble falling asleep in the initial stages of grief. If physical and emotional symptoms persisit or disrupt daily functioning, they should be addressed by a medical professional or counselor experienced in dealing with grief related to suicide. |
Information on this page, Grief Support Related To A Suicide, was taken from the guidebook series by The Dougy Center for Grieving Children including After a Suicide: A Workbook for grieving Kids and 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child. |
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The Healing Place & Hospice of the Shoals,
A Partnership of Compassion. |
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| The Healing Place Grief Support Center also offers counseling and support for people who have seriously ill family members or loved ones. Feel free to call us with any questions. |
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