Understanding grief and it's significance can help |
Understanding grief is a necessary first step in helping those who are grieving from the loss of a loved one.
Change is a part of life. It begins at the moment of our conception and affects us throughout life. Nature teaches us that change is to be expected. It is natural and necessary to life.
While change may be natural and necessary, change is not always welcome. Sometimes change is very difficult to deal with. To experience change we often experience loss and this is where pain can come in.
Some losses may go by almost unnoticed because they are minor or may seem unimportant at the time. But some losses are grievious. |
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| Grievious losses cut us off from someone or something that gave life meaning, purpose, safety or predictibility. Such losses are hard to bear and come in many forms. It could be the loss of a job, a prized possession, a home, an ideal or even a dream. Unfortunately, loss can come in the form of a friend, a loved one, a spouse or a child. |
The natural healing response to loss is a proccess called grief. |
| Since no two people will experience a loss in exactly the same way, there are no formulas for how much a loss will hurt or how long it will last. But there is a natural and common response to loss that promotes healing and growth. The natural healing response to loss is a process called grief. Grief is a natural part of the cycle of change. |
| People who have experienced a loss often feel fearful and out of control. One way to gain assurance and control is to understand that grief is a natural healing process with experiences that are common to many. This is not to suggest that any two people will grieve in the same way or even in the same time frame. Neither is it to suggest that grief unfolds in a predictable fashion. |
| The experiencing of grief can be thought of as a weaving or restoration of a wound that occurs over time. The wound of grief is healed as the person is able to move backward and forward through various grief experiences. |
Common levels and experiences of grief |
| Initial Awareness |
| Initial awareness is the first intense recognition that the loss has happened. It is often described as a "hard blow to the chest" or as "a knife thrust into the heart." |
| Safeguarding |
| This is nature's way of limiting awareness of the loss. A way of conserving energy and protecting us from being overwhelmed by the pain and confusion of the loss. Examples of safeguarding include shock, anger, avoidance, searching and bargaining. These defenses help us pace our strength and energy. |
Awareness - Anguish and Despair
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| These intense periods of grief happen as the full significance of the loss is realized. Awareness is grief's darkest hour. Periods of awareness include intense waves of longing, loneliness, angusih, despair and sorrow. These waves often come as memories of the loss are aroused and realized. |
| Restructuring and Restoration |
| These are experiences where new skills and activities help establish new patterns so that life can be resumed. Energy returns for the tasks of life. Perspective on the loss is gained. It is possible to remember without pain. |
| Growth |
| As the loss is remembered and integrated into the present there is once again energy to invest into the present and future. This is more than survival. Personal strengths, insights and compassion have been gained. A future can once again be imagined and new relationships and opportunities can be explored and experienced. |
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