The Reality of Grief | Grief Stages

For a long time, the stages of grief have been defined as a linear process that individuals go through. Starting with denial and ending in acceptance, the grief stages have been categorized as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  However, a new realization is spreading: grief is not a linear process.

The reality of grief is that the process is not a step-by-step one that one undergoes and magically comes out “normal.” Although this was the expectation, the reality is that grief is an iterative process. 

Beyond Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s “5 Stages of Death,” Kübler-Ross also introduced the “Kübler-Ross Change Curve,” which includes 7 categories depicting grief in a nonlinear fashion.

• Shock

  • Initially, shock occurs after an individual first hears the news or discovers that a significant loss has occurred. There is no defined time frame in which one “gets over” shock; it can last from hours to days. Many grieving individuals have reported a feeling of numbness, disbelief, and disorientation while experiencing shock.

    
    

• Denial

  • Used as a defense mechanism, denial comes from an individual’s refusal to acknowledge the new reality. Loss can threaten one’s sense of self, especially the loss of a loved one, relationship, or job. The brain aims to protect the body in any way it can; so, as a means of protecting itself against the pain that comes with accepting the loss, the individual begins to experience denial. 

    
    

• Frustration

  • Intertwined with anger, frustration occurs as one experiences resentment, a feeling of loss of control over oneself and their life circumstances, and difficulty coping. Individuals feeling frustration have been known to have outbursts, become aggressive, and even engage in self-harm. It is key in this stage to allow yourself to feel and not suppress your emotions. Finding healthy ways to express your anger through sports, art, or other outlets is recommended. 

    
    

• Depression 

  • After trying to find ways to cope and falling short, after constantly trying to “keep on a mask” in front of others, after all the trying and trying and trying, one becomes exhausted. This results in a period of depression where one does not feel like trying anymore because it all feels like too much. Individuals may feel a sense of numbness, emptiness, and deep sadness. While in this stage, understand that this is a natural response and there is nothing wrong with you if you are experiencing depression while grieving. This period can last weeks or even months; there is no set time frame for one to “get over” any of these stages.

    
    

• Experimentation 

  •  During this stage, individuals test out new coping techniques and try new ways to adjust to their new reality. Individuals try support groups and new hobbies in hopes of finding something that helps establish a new life pattern. Important note to reiterate: It is normal for stages to overlap and for individuals to go back and forth between stages. This is the case for many grieving individuals who are in the experimenting stage. 

    
    

• Decision-Making

  • During this pivotal stage, individuals are making conscious decisions to commit to the new choices they believe to be beneficial to their grief journey. 

    
    

• Integration

  • Characterized by a sense of peace, this stage is when an individual is no longer overcome by the pain of the loss. On the outside, as in “to others,” this stage looks like one is “moving on” and “getting over it.” However, this is not the case. During this stage, individuals are accepting the new reality that their loss has occurred, and the deep, intense sadness that once overcame them is no longer dominant. Contrary to popular belief, no one halts their reaction to loss altogether and suddenly “goes back to the way things used to be”; however, their reaction to loss is managed better in this stage. This is not to say that this stage means the end of the grieving journey, because as stated earlier, one can move in and out of all stages. Typically, during this stage, individuals become optimistic about the future and find joy, despite their loss.

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For those supporting grieving individuals, patience is a virtue.

As uncomfortable as it may be to be around your grieving loved ones, know that the goal is not to speed up the process or make them forget their sorrows. The only priority to have when supporting grieving individuals is to make sure they know that you are there for them and are willing to help when they are ready. 

References

eCondolence. “Fourth Stage of Grief: Depression | ECondolence.com.” Econdolence.com, 2025,

www.econdolence.com/learning-center/grief-and-coping/the-stages-of-grief/fourth-stage-of-grief-depression?srsltid=AfmBOooN7WaCXBrkTkCRck3GFB7tJzDq8-pqzNoKQ75ufx_hRcB7Ltpk. Accessed 26 June 2025.

EKR Foundation. “Kübler-Ross Change Curve.” EKR Foundation, 2025, www.ekrfoundation.org/5-stages-of-grief/change

curve/.

Gordon, Sherri. “The 7 Stages of Grief: How Your Brain and Body Process Loss.” Health, 8 May 2023,

www.health.com/stages-of-grief-7482658.

Gupta, Sanjana. “What to Know about the Anger Stage of Grief.” Verywell Mind, 24 May 2022,

www.verywellmind.com/the-anger-stage-of-grief-characteristics-and-coping-5295703.

---. “What to Know about the Denial Stage of Grief.” Verywell Mind, 26 May 2022, www.verywellmind.com/the-denial-stage-of-grief-characteristics-and-coping-5272456.

Maryland: Department of Budget and Management. Coping with Tragedy: A Guide to Dealing with Shock and Grief.

2016.

Resilience Lab. “Beyond the 7 Stages of Grief: Examples & What to Expect - Resilience Lab.” Www.resiliencelab.us, 2

Feb. 2024, www.resiliencelab.us/thought-lab/7-stages-of-grief.